i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
