I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
