i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
