I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
