Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we're making bets on your personal life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
