"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize