Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
