I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
