your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
