thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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