oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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