its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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