Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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