Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
