We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
