I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
