I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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