We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
