I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry about my life...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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