NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
