Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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