Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
