I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
