I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
