she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize