WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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