Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need a beard to bite.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
