When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
