chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
