Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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