no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
time to smoke my breakfast
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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