just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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