a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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