During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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