yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
