We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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