The best revenge is premature balding
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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