piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
