just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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