even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
