In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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