Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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