He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
