Need sex. Gaining weight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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