I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
