Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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