3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
