we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize