Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
