My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
