I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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