Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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