i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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