I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pants are for mortals
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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