Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
