they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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