I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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