So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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